A New Perspective

Now that Jimmy and I are expecting our third child I have a new perspective.  Well, let me be honest.  After giving birth to my first child, I developed a new perspective.  As a child I don't think I fully appreciated all of the things my mother did. In fact, I KNOW I didn't.   I overlooked the clean laundry, the breakfast waiting on us before the start of the school morning, the shampoo and soap in the shower, the toothpaste on the sink, the hours spent listening to me read...even the folded towels in the linen closet.  I truly took for granted that all of those things were there because of someone- someone amazing.

Now, as an adult, I understand more fully the sacrifices that my mother made for my sisters and me.  Not only do I understand them, but I certainly can appreciate them.  How she was able to maintain full-time employment outside the home, raise three children, and maintain a home is beyond me.  Sometimes I feel like a complete and utter failure when it comes to being able to balance all the business and busyness of life. In the words of a colleague of mine recently, "Just call me Mother of the Year" (insert sarcasm).  But, haven't we all been there? Haven't we all had moments where we thought, Am I ever going to be able to get it together? I would venture to say most women would answer YES!  When I recently asked my mom about how she was able to pull off such an amazing feat without ever coming across as fatigued or worn out, she just chuckled and said..."You just do...somehow, you just do."  I have often wondered if she would change anything now that she has had the FULL experience, but it seems each time we are together for any extended period of time I realize a little more how much she loved her time with us and how much she misses her "girls" being girls rather than women.  In the words of my Mawmaw and my mother, "Enjoy your babies while they are little; time flies so fast.  You blink and they are all grown up." 

As I look at my babies tonight and I feel butterbean # 3 playing kickball with my ribs, I can truly appreciate the beautiful person that my mother is.  Was she a perfect mother? No. Just like any human being, we all think about how we could have done some things differently.  But was she a mother who loved her children dearly? Was she a mother who gave sacrificially? Was she a mother who thought of herself only after everyone else was taken care of? Was she a mother who taught her daughters to be strong and independent?  Without hesitation, I say YES!  And for that I am eternally grateful.  Words are completely inadequate when it comes to expressing my gratitude so I seldom try.  But with my new found perspective I plan to live out the foundation poured by my mother by teaching my own children the value of unconditional love and sacrifice for the benefit of others.  How blessed am I that I have the privilege of being called Mommy!!!!  Thanks, Momma.  Your legacy, stamina and relentless love are forever a piece of Marie.
 

Back to Reality...

As surprising as it was, I enjoyed the post-Christmas snow last week.  There is nothing more exciting than seeing the white puffy flakes falling from the sky because it somehow brings out the "kid" in me.  For some reason just the prospect of snow brings a smile to my face.  Maybe it's the idea that we don't have the privilege of seeing it that much, or maybe it's because any type of inclement weather often provides us with an unplanned "vacation" day, but regardless, I love snow.

After getting the girls dressed in their scarves and mittens, we went outside for a personal encounter with the "white stuff."  The children were of course busy with their snowballs and trying out their scooters in the snow, but in the midst of all the hustle and bustle of their excitement, I took the time to notice something that snow has always brought to me....silence.  Have you ever noticed how incredibly quiet the outside world is when it snows?  I know there is some scientific reason for the sound barrier, but all of that knowledge is of no consequence to me. I just enjoy the timely buffer from the outside world that has been so graciously provided by this meteorological event.  Just as it has all those times before, standing in front of my house, taking photographs of my girls and feeling the flakes fall softly upon my nose, made me remember how important the "quiet" of life is, but this year the reflection was a bit different.  If you are anything like me, from the moment that alarm sounds in the morning to the moment I have the privilege of crawling back into my haven each night, my life is crazy.  It's packing lunches, making beds, dressing children, giving kisses, buckling car seats, dropping off, picking up, attending meetings, have conversations, meeting deadlines, responding to emails, answering phone calls (which I despise), making plans for dinner (yet another thing I despise), giving baths, checking homework, tucking in, saying prayers, folding laundry...so on and so forth.  Life for me and so many others has become a complete rat race.

So what lesson was the "snow" trying to teach me?  What wise words were attempting to be imparted to my life?  Clearly I, like many of my friends and colleagues have far too many irons in the fire, but as I have told Jimmy before, of the things that I do each day, which items can I delete and still have some semblance of an effectively run home?  Do I not fold the laundry?  Do I not read the bedtime story?  Do I not pack the lunches?  Well of course not.  Those are not expendable items.  What is expendable is my USE of time. And I am, unfortunately, a terrible manager of time. I am the queen and self proclaimed master of procrastination!

I have often heard it said that someone can gauge the priorities of another by assessing where their time is spent.  In other words, you can't say that you value cooking if over the course of your week you don't cook.  Likewise, you can't make yourself believe that you value your solace and personal quiet time if you never take time for yourself and reflection. And as much as I say I value personal quiet time and reflection, I seldom take the opportunity to participate and enjoy it.  And further, how can I hear God's voice if I (like so many others) are incessantly paying attention to alarm clocks, deadlines, ringing phones, and incoming text messages? Seeing and truly experiencing the snow last week made me realize however, that this must become a recognizable priority in my life and not an expendable moment of my day.   For my own sanity and my own personal growth I must begin making time for quiet and solace this year.  Already I am able to see (through this blog for example) how valuable continual personal reflection can be...

Usually when it snows around here, it is gone the next day.  This post-Christmas snow, however, was relentless in it's pursuits of "hanging around." By Thursday, I could still see some evidence of the winter storm's visit, and as I was watching my dogs tip-toe through the slushy mess I couldn't help but remember something my Mawmaw said many moons ago.  She always told us, "When snow lays around like this, it means that it is waiting on more." For the kid in me, I hope her wise words come to fruition.  I would LOVE the opportunity to experience a snow day in the new year.  For the adult in me, I would enjoy a subtle reminder to take a moment to slow down and just BE QUIET.  :)